The Poosey Digest... by Freida Marie Crump
The same old thing
Greetings from Poosey.
"Herb, I've got it!"
"Got what?"
"The solution to the economic crisis!"
"You're going to stop buying Schwan's stuff and start cooking?"
(Short break while feeble-minded old man ducks to avoid being creamed with butter dish.)
"Congress! I'm dissolving it."
"Freida, it's too early in the morning to discuss politics. Hand me the comic section. I need something that makes sense."
"I'm serious. It costs about five billion dollars to run the Senate and the House of Representatives. Then another $500 million to maintain the Congressional buildings, $300 million for the Capitol Police, $40 million for the Budget Office, $150 million for the Congressional Research Service, $200 million for printing.."
"Did you read the Peanuts strip today? Snoopy's sitting on his dog house and he says.."
(Old man swerves to avoid flying house slipper, spills coffee on kitchen rug, recovers only to miss his chair, landing on floor with a Medicare-inducing thud.)
"Pay attention, meatball! I think I've solved the crisis!"
"Freida, we can't do away with Congress. The TV comedians would be out of jobs."
"Look Herb, the whole thing is a waste. When every Democrat votes straight party line following Obama's lead and every Republican votes against the President's proposals, we can predict every vote on every issue for the next three years. There's absolutely no reason to pay their salaries to sit around and vote in ways we can already expect! Herb, that settles it! I'm a genius! How long do I have to wait for the next Nobel Prize nominations?"
"I'll give you a hint, Freida. Hell will be freezing over." (Old man ducks but old woman is down to her last slipper and opts instead for her daily devotional book opened to the page entitled, "The Wrath of God.") You've just got your nose in a snit because my party of reasonable, responsible Republicans are trying to stop your band of wild-eyed incompetent Democrats from destroying everything we stand for."
"Herb, your party stands for one thing: reelection. They might as well tattoo the word 'No!' on their foreheads and save pushing the voting buttons."
"Good! They'll match the 'Spend!' labels the Democrats have plastered onto their chests!" (Out of throw-able ammunition the old lady resigns herself to letting him just die a natural death.)
"Why do I get the feeling that after half a century together that neither one of us are going to change our stripes, Herb? So let's just agree on this one thing... we no longer have any need for Congress if every member is going to be unwilling to work together and he simply votes straight party lines. Let's send them all home, pay them ten bucks a day to phone in their vote and save put the $5 billion toward paying off the national debt or at least cutting a few weeds along the roadside. Come on, Mr. Fiscal Responsibility. This plan should be right up your negative alley."
"My favorite part is when Snoopy turns to Charlie Brown and says..."
"I mean it, Herb! Our Congress is a complete waste! They spend 20 times what the job pays just to get into office then vote straight party lines without a thought to actually getting anything accomplished other than the next election! I quote! `Your representative owes you, not his industry only, but his judgment.' Thomas-by-golly-Jefferson!"
"I quote! 'Good grief!' Charlie Brown!"
(Old lady picks up nearby electric iron, considers cost of replacing busted appliance, doctor bills, and time wasted in emergency room... replaces iron on table and resigns herself to another season of the same old thing.)
You ever 'round Poosey, stop by. We may not answer the door but you'll enjoy the trip.
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